You’re a Danger if you get your mates to drink poison for a laugh – Tackling Stupid Kids, 70s style!

This is one of the most famous Public Information Films ever. Kids in the 70s were stupid (kids, remind your parents of this when they insist kids today are little gits. but when they were young, kids used to organise charity daisy-chain making contests every day)  so some suit in government commissioned a load of PIFs that told kids not to be stupid. Just like this one which sees a kid die from drinking poison because his mate thought it’d be funny and he was stupid enough to do it.

The dangers of Energy Saving Lightbulbs

The world is going to end! That is the message being branded about in most Public Information campaigns these days. Statistic after Statistic about how “you can save an average of £345 a year if you drive a Goat to work instead of your car” and other fascinating figures which usually result in you supposedly saving money and the environment. 

The dear old 100-watt Lightbulb is about to go out as it’s not energy efficient (is that phrase the new “politically correct”?). Step forward the expensive – but it lasts 9 times longer! – Energy Saving Lightbulb. Now these over-priced bulbs aren’t without their critics. One pressure group in particular took great offense to the banning of ‘normal’ lightbulbs and have waged war on the fancy new Energy efficient bulbs.

Helping UK Hemorrhoid sufferers proves to be a pain in the arse (Arf)

In 2001 the UK government were on a mission to turn the United Kingdom into the healthiest nations in the world. They were always fighting a losing battle, but it didn’t stop them trying. Whilst the regular anti-binge drinking, drugs, etc Public Information Films and Poster Campaigns were made, they also focused on some less common ailments.

Research had shown that hemorrhoids were rife in the UK. Whilst many cases can be dealt with by using creams and sprays, other more serious or prolonged cases resulted in doctors appointments and operations to remove them. The latter cost the NHS money so a decision was made to launch a PIF which tried to prevent the more serious cases of hemorrhoids occurring.

Some idiots somewhere said that one way to prevent hemorrhoids was to take more care when wiping after defecating and wiping ‘back to front’ (none of this was ever scientifically proved). On the strength of this the following PIF was created. Shown in Doctors surgeries waiting rooms and on day-time tv, the PIF survived for 4 weeks before being canned due to “a lack of scientific evidence”.

Dilly and Dally Recycling Fun (Leaves a rather big mess).

The following is a Public Information Film from the mid-eighties. It was shown during Children’s television in the school summer holidays. It’s aim was to get Children active and into Recycling. The PIF wasn’t without controversy.  Its content changed depending on your local area. Whilst the fundamental message was to recycle bottles, it was also used to inform the public of the names and addresses of suspected perverts in the local area, it was also funded by local businesses and carried no shortage of plugs for these businesses. Because the content was always changing as it differed from region to region, the PIF had a rather cheap cut-and-paste feel to it. Here is a transcript from one of them:

Preventing Milton Keynes smelling of Garlic – Christmas ‘82.

Christmas is coming, so I’ve been searching the archives of little known and lost Public Information Films for christmassy safety information. This short film was made by Milton Keynes council in 1982 when there was a growing concern that the local populous may fall victim to the famous Christmas scam of the early 80s. The infamous Margaret Thatcher Garlic doll. Rogue traders were blighting the country by selling these smelly items for upwards of £15. They were a particular hit in Wycombe, which had to be sectioned off for 3 days due to the garlic oder taking over. Milton Keynes councilors were darned if this was going to happen in the city of the future, so they released this short film.

ID+4+ME: Who’s dad is a terrorist?

In 2007 the UK government drafted several Public Information Broadcasts to educate the British Population on the benefits of Identity Cards. The campaign was called ID+4+ME. The plus symbols (+) were chosen because they are a positive symbol and the Government wanted this campaign to leave a positive feel. The more common dash symbol (-) which is commonly used to separate words is also recognised as the symbol for minus, and that is negative.

ID+4+ME launched with this short broadcast on the dangers of terrorism facing the world and how Identity Cards would make Britons safer.

UK SEX – How the Government dealt with the 1980’s surge in career prostitution

In my never-ending quest to bring you Public Information which was either not released or is largely unknown, I stumbled across this little info-gash. Back in 1987 the government has a serious concern for the amount of young Britons who were considering a job in the sex industry. After the successful launch of the pan-European HookersTV satellite television station, the public saw the glamourous side of prostitution. High wages, meeting new people and no need for academic qualifications made being a street whore top of many young women and mens job list. In fact, the careers advisors at some Yorkshire schools were giving advice on how to get started in the profession. This is how the British Government went about dealing with the concern.

This film is a set of quotes, fading-in and then fading-out. White text on a black background.

“A street without people is like a sea without fish” Rudolph Diesel, Expert in sea life.
“A road without cars is like a 100-metre runners without performance enhancing drugs”  Lord Harold Flat-Gordon, Expert in flys.
“A head without dandruff is like a dog without fleas” Ray Bees, Dog Lover and expert in dog food.
“A prostitute without Aids is like a field without a goat” James Paul-Urinal, The world expert in sex, the sex industry, the consequences of prostitution and ice cream being used in sex. 

The Logo for “UK Prostitution Not O.K.” (Which is a white silhouette of a squatting woman, with a red glow emanating from her genitals) fades onto the screen with the caption “A future in Prostitution is a future in pain, sickness and eventually death”.

This Public Information Film was to be used at cinemas and on post-watershed television. It cost over £4,000,000 to make. Sadly it was withdrawn before broadcast due to concerns over the possibility that so much information in such little time could instigate seizures in those watching.

Girly Talk: Beware the up-skirt perverts with camera phones

Hi Girls!

Kerry Courtina – The party Queen of Liverpool – here with some important advice.

It’s summertime, and summertime means warm sunny days and warm sunny days mean summer skirts. I don’t know about you girls, but the skirts in my summer wardrobe all tend to be on the short side! Short skirts are fun in the summer sun!

Don’t let a Robot drive your car – Indicators and signalling

Don’t let a robot drive YOUR car.

Remember. Indicators are Robots. Wind down your window and use a clear arm-signal when turning at a junction. Don’t trust YOUR life to a robot. Leave your Indicators off and use your arms.

The car robots want to kill you. Don’t let them. Don’t let a robot drive you down death lane in your car.

DON’T LET A ROBOT DRIVE YOUR CAR!

Background Information: The “Don’t Let a Robot…” series of Public Information Films where funded and recorded in the early 1980s by The Hairy Jesus versus the Techno-Tigers Front. Only the BBC broadcast these messages, on both television and local radio in the South West. ITV and Cinemas rejected the request to broadcast them as they “lacked research” and “the organisation behind them are rabid spackers”.

Lad Chat: Mixing your beers

Awite lads, Lenny Tyer – King of the terraces – here to give some important information out. So listen up for a few seconds.

Like most of us lads, i like going out, getting blind drunk and having a bit of a fight. It’s all gravy. A bit of kebab shop rage, a few too many ales and squeeze of a ladies arse in the nightclub is part of the fun. It’s to be expected. It’s being a lad. It’s our f**king job!

Last week, one of my best mates did all this and even managed to take the lady home to give her a proper good seeing too. We’re talking really good sex here cos she looked filthy but pwopa hot. He was in for the time of his life. Sadly it didn’t quite happen. My mate never managed to get his end away with her because he fell unconscious in the taxi home and went into a coma. Why’d this happen? Cos he’d been mixing his beers.